How To Avoid The Struggle In Transition

Gai Comans How to Avoid Struggle in Transition

Don’t get caught “in” the struggle through transition.  Illness, divorce, disruption at work casts a destructive shadow over your life.  These things hit like a storm. They hit hard, sometimes out of nowhere, and can destroy the life you knew.

Whatever your storm is, when it hits you, it can move through, throwing around everything in it’s path…your health, relationships and career. It can be tempting to find somewhere safe to wait it out, but this is rarely possible.

Transitioning your way through it is a challenge in itself though.   No doubt, just like you, the transitions I’ve faced can feel like a laundry list of destruction. Being aware of the challenges can allow you to focus on resolving the struggle, before it takes control of your life and you feel lost in the struggle.

The question that generally starts the process is “What do I do now?”. At this point, we can look to others that have weathered storms and have rebuilt. Here is some wisdom I can share that I have gleaned from them.

What I’ve found is that there are three common challenges that you face in transition.   You need to resolve all three to boost your self-esteem, find peace of mind and freedom from fear.



The Emotional Struggle – Your Confidence Takes a Beating

Loss of confidence brings with it fear of what the immediate future will hold, and how you cope with daily fear triggers, which invade unexpectedly. It’s often followed by uncertainty, stress and anxiety as you consider your longer term prospects.

Indecision can become almost paralysing as you start to make decisions for an uncertain future.   The trying thing is that it’s generally the small, simple decisions that can cause high levels of anxiety.

Appointments or returning to “the scene of the crime”, can open the floodgates of fear and uncertainty. It can feel like a season of unpleasant memories, which takes all your energy to manage through.

One in five people in this community struggle with loss of confidence right now.

The remedy to loss of confidence is Courage. Courage to start and move forward.

The Social Struggle – Isolation Leads To Disconnection

Your confidence has taken a beating and you need to create a safe space to heal, so you isolate for a little while, you tell yourself. Then, you’re not sure how to articulate the “problem” and find it challenging to ask for help.

The energy for endless conversations drains you and finds you reaching for the tissue box in those moments still. Your supporters have been so valiant, but now it’s “over” in their eyes. They’re well meaning and just want you to put it behind you and move on, but it’s not quite over for you—there is still a bit to resolve yet.

One in two people in this community are experiencing this struggle right now.

The remedy to isolation is connection. Connection is why we exist.



The Identity Struggle – You Question Who You Are Now

The roles and goals you identified with have been shaken to the core. You have difficulty identifying with being healthy when you’re ill, or as a husband when you’re getting divorced or as a value employee when you feel like you’re hanging by a thread at work.

You hang on tight to those “old” identities, because at the moment, there’s nothing to replace it with. Your supporters urge you to go back to who you were, but that doesn’t quite fit as comfortably now because so much has changed for you.

You feel stuck between who you were, who you are now, and who you want to be. There’s a gaping void, which sits in between them, leaving you stuck in the middle somewhere.

One in three people in this community are experiencing this struggle right now.

The remedy to loss of identity is curiosity. Be curious about who you could and want to be now.



Bringing It All Together

Storms often hit without warning, and while it can be tempting to find somewhere safe to wait and come out when the cleanup is finished, it’s rarely a choice.

Navigating your way through it alone can feel like an endless struggle to clear the barriers. Your supporters don’t have the answers you need now.

With the right support, skills and tools though, thousands of people not only clear the barriers they become confident, connected and securely able to weather any storm.

It all starts with the courage to grow your confidence.

Which of these struggles have you experienced and are you experiencing now? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as learning is a two-way street.



PS – The E.S.I. Dimensions of Transition – Emotional Transition, Social Transition and Identity Transition is the path through the destruction, and I’m looking forward to telling you more about it shortly.



Share on Facebook0Share on LinkedIn0Pin on Pinterest0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0Email this to someone


How To Avoid The Struggle In Transition — 2 Comments

  1. I think that you have described the space called the ‘new you’. It can feel as if you are in shadow form. I am not even sure of my capabilities now that my life has significantly changed. It is not so much my intellectual capacity but rather my body that has been effected.

    I find it difficult to not feel resentful and envious of others who have not experienced this loss of self. Ironically in this experience, you are elevated to new awareness that is impossible to achieve without the climb. Ironic, it may be, you still need to live in the now, and be practical to survive. This is my challenge.

    • Hi Te, most people have experienced the “loss of self” to some degrees depending on the circumstances that have lead to the disruption in their life. When I’ve talked to people with differing experiences and from a variety of cultures about the three levels of loss in transitioning past it (loss of confidence, connection and identity) it has resonated with them and given them a deeper understanding of the complexity of the impact. Most have thought that there was no solution as they had tried to resolve one of the loss only to be still feeling the empty and lost. A plan to resolve all three making living in the now easier and the ability to move past survival. Gai

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *