Gathering some good tools to help you with “how to overcome fear” it enormously helpful, but just having the tools might not be quite enough.   Cultivating simple and easy steps or skills to help you use those tools is essential as well.

Take a minute to think about the last time you were looking to solve a problem or make a change. You found the tools, you took time to cultivate the skills you needed and in the beginning, you were really enthusiastic and happy to get moving. Then, like an uncomfortable pair of shoes that are tucked up in the back of your wardrobe, you lose your enthusiasm for the discomfort and put them to the back of your mind. Sound familiar? Now think about that time and remember how you found those tools.

Do tools always work for you?

Odds are, they were recommended to you, either by a good friend or others had spoken highly of them, maybe even in reviews. Because they had worked for them, you figured that it was worth giving them a go, so you tried them on for size. Just like that pair of shoes, they weren’t overly comfortable in the beginning, but you figured that they would loosen up over time and hey, your BFF had told you how fabulous you looked in them and you could see yourself wearing them out for dinner next weekend, as they match your outfit perfectly.

But then, in the end, you didn’t think the discomfort was quite worth it. So, after a while, you just lost your connection with them and put them in the back of the wardrobe. You weren’t quite ready to discard them totally; there was just something about them. I am sure you have had at least one pair of those shoes at some time or a tool or a book that your friend just raved about, but you just couldn’t quite see it working for you now or what all the fuss was about.

Now, here’s the real reason why….

Even though you had the tools and the skills, you simply didn’t understand deep down WHY YOU were using them. Your friend recommended them and may have told you why she was used them and the benefit she got from it, but that is really irrelevant for you. What you need to understand is why you are using them and what is the benefit you are looking for. In essence, what is the problem that you are trying to solve?  And, understand it in a really deep way, rather than just what’s on the surface.

The simple truth is, that we act because of our “why”, but the majority of people don’t understand what their “why” is!  This is particularly true after a cancer diagnosis or any life-threatening illness; when the foundation stones that you have built your life on start wobbling around uncontrollably and you are doing the very best you can not to fall over, just like a pair of stilettos that are maybe just a little too high for you. So, you try everything in the hope that something will work for you.

Here’s another way to think about it

I would like to give you another way of looking at it. Do this simple exercise now.

1. Close your eyes.
2. Give yourself a minute to clear the distractions and just breathe deeply.
3. Then settle yourself.
4. When you feel settled, ask yourself one question: What am I most afraid of?
5. Wait for the answer….
6. Now, ask why you’re afraid of it.
7. Wait for the answer….
8. Then, ask why again.
9. Wait for the answer….
10. Then, ask why again.
11. Keep asking why until you don’t get anymore answers and you will have discovered or gotten closer to what you are truly most afraid of at a deeper level.
12. Don’t feel you have to rush this, take your time with it.
13. Then, when you are feeling it deeply, ask, “What’s one thing I could do to not be scared of it?”

I can almost guarantee this will be a gateway to you seeing things very differently, as you look for ways to not be fearful, rather than ways to be scared. This is why fear comes at you in waves or sometimes in a tsunami.

I will share with you one insight when I did this exercise, that changed my life forever.

The “how to” and skills of those healthy life changes are really important so that you can empower yourself and “your why” is the glue that will hold it all together.  For now, sit with and really understand your “why”…

What did you learn about your “why” from doing this simple exercise?

Like this article? Please share it and help your community to help them get closer to their “why”.

Love,

Gai

P.S. When you don’t understand your “why”, you will make decisions from a place of fear, rather than empowerment and there is an ocean of difference between them…